Hitler was of African descent and had an Irish nephew who wanted to “out” him

The heroism of William Patrick Hitler

I don’t love the “I was today years old when” meme, but my Irish-American research finally gave me a good one: I was today years old when I found out that Adolf Hitler had an Irish nephew named William Patrick, sometimes called Patrick or Willy, who was actually kind of hot and definitely Irish. He was raised by an Irish Catholic woman named Bridget after his father, Hitler’s half-brother, abandoned the family. (Naturally, Hitler’s half-brother was a complete chump, squandering all the family’s money on a “gambling tour” in Europe when World War I broke out. Instead of finding some way to get home, he said “nah, fuck it,” stayed in the city where he was gambling, and illegally married another woman.) Still, Adolf Hitler offered his Irish nephew a job in Germany, where he had just become chancellor. When Hitler told him to renounce his British citizenship in exchange for a high-ranking job, Willy smelled some bullshit and fled to the United States, apparently blackmailing Hitler with “embarrassing information about his family” on his way out. He published an article titled “Why I hate my Uncle,” joined the Navy, and fought for the U.S. in World War II. His family still lives here under a different name.