An Open Letter to Fox News

Dear Fox News: Just come out and say you believe Hilary Clinton personally murdered Jeffrey Epstein. You clearly want to, and believe that’s what your audience wants to hear, giving you a ratings boost. I would strongly prefer it over inviting some hack to come on the air and go into precise detail about the physics of hanging deaths. Not only is this extremely callous to anyone with a family member who committed suicide this way, my niece and daughter got to overhear this “expert” wanking to how much pressure it takes to break a human neck.

And anyway: why are we discussing this? Has anyone sat down to ponder whether killing off Epstein would actually accomplish anything? The theory is that he was murdered to prevent him from snitching on co-conspirators — in right-wing imaginations, Hilary Clinton and other Democrats. I’m not sure exactly who because I don’t spend too much time entertaining horse shit. But you know Jeffrey Epstein had already been tried and convicted once already and didn’t do that, right? He wasn’t talking; neither was Ghislaine Maxwell or anyone else who might have information. I’m sure there were many people who visited his homes and had some knowledge of his underground sex ring. There are some very smart people investigating who that might be. They work for the FBI and don’t spend all day on Twitter. When they find out, they’ll let you know by charging the suspects.